I Sit Here Alone

Feeling the weight…

   I Sit Here Alone

Fear grips me and I freeze
The time has come and I am so scared
False is the calm my facade declares
Now disgusted at this fear I feel so diseased

I find I cannot think
Normally calculate
The risk, then making the decision, accepting the results

But now I feel nauseous.  Will my stomach convulse?
Not sure this time I can bear the weight
Here now, right at the brink

Pitiful.  I feel as if I’m down on my knees
For this decision I do not care
I do not like it, it does not seem fair
Let it be alright, please

Gone through so many doors
Facing the night’s horrors

But this time
The danger was not mine

Giving the word, putting down the phone
Sending them in, I sit here alone


From   –   A Warrior’s Battles: A Book of Struggle   (Not Yet Published)